Are you in a fitness gap relationship?
60+ Body Type readers shared about theirs.
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In May I asked my followers a question about what I’m now calling fitness gap relationships:
Turns out, they are.
How I define a fitness gap relationship, hereafter “FGR”: One person in a romantic partnership is enthusiastic (or at least consistent, even grudgingly) about exercise, another is disinterested or outright avoidant. I’ve been in a relationship for more than 11 years in which we both exercise regularly and love it, so I wondered what it’s like to be in a partnership with a different dynamic.
Via an informal survey, I collected 61 responses from people who said they’re in such a relationship. My questionnaire is hardly the height of scientific inquiry, but that wasn’t my goal. I only aimed to hear from those who wanted to share about their FGR: the challenges, the feelings behind the challenges, and whether there’s anything positive about having discordant levels of enthusiasm about working out — especially now, a time Derek Thompson calls The Great American Fitness Boom.
About the respondents:
Their ages range from 18-75, but most are 30-35
They’re from all over the U.S., and from Canada, Australia, and two countries in Europe
Most of them are women who identify as the more-active partner, but there were also 10 male respondents, and a handful who identified as the less-active partner
Responses tended to cluster into themes:
The most common tension in FGRs
This surprised me a bit, but in a good way; the tension arises from what I see as a realistic and well-intentioned concern.The two-way pressure dynamic
No matter in which direction exercise pressure (real or perceived) is running, it’s stressing people out. There are stories of addressing exercise in couples therapy, of resentment, of partners criticizing each other’s looks as they relate to exercise.Food and eating habits
It kept coming up. Despite the questions not being directly about food, dynamics around fitness are clearly tied up in eating, too. Respondents told stories about partners “trying to sabotage” with food, being “offended” about food and drink choices, and a locked cabinet for sweets. One respondent seems to think it’s possible to call a partner’s food choices “garbage” in a “lighthearted” way (sorry, pal, but let’s rethink that approach).
Lest you think it’s all bad, there were indeed distinct positives to which respondents pointed, and some delightful anecdotes about partners supporting each other’s fitness routines.
The stories here are rich: There’s a woman who does bodybuilding poses before bed at her husband’s request; a husband so intense about sports performance that he hired a semi-pro on Fiverr to analyze his disc golf technique; a woman whose partner’s chiller attitude about fitness has “quieted a lot of my own food noise,” and much more.
This is an especially juicy Body Type post, I think, since it’s not just me writing to you — it’s a peek into how exercise lovers and loathers alike are living in partnership with high highs, low lows, and plenty in between. One respondent said this, which sums up the whole shebang with aplomb:
“I think we can forget that while we can’t change other people, being in a relationship does mean being changed by the relationship.”
Find all the stories and key takeaways behind the paywall. If this post inspires you to share about your own FGR, I’ll see you in the comments!
