17 Comments

I have the exact same disproportionate flesh, and every time I catch myself looking at it too hard, I try to just roll my eyes at myself and move on.

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I like the idea of rolling your eyes. Like, "let's not take this seriously..."

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This is honestly the best approach I’ve come upon! Having tried body positivity, neutrality, fuckallity, I feel like this is the one that resonates the most. Such a weight is lifted off, thank you so so much for this.

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Wow Jihene I'm so glad! Thanks for saying so :)

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I have been looking forward to your newsletter. One of the safest space on Substack for me :)

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Apr 15, 2023Liked by Mikala Jamison

You nailed it for me with this one. At my age (63) every day there is a new "thing" that I observe about my body or face. I could absolutely choose to hate and complain about, which

I do sometimes too. I do believe it is ok to bitch a little bit. Its ok to grieve that 30 year old body I used to have.......which by the way, I was never happy with at that time either.

Your point to then just move on with life is spot on. Maybe my observations motivate me to get out there and exercise more , to put more sunscreen on or take a dip in my bikini even though it doesn't quite fit the same as it once did. Its the circle of life and learning to embrace every season moves us closer to peace and happiness which is my only goal in life these days. I now focus on all the young 30 year olds that tell me they hope they look as good as I do when they are that OLD....LOL.

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So true that it's easy to be unhappy at any time in life, and then we look back and think wow, we looked so good. Always unsatisfied! I'm trying to get away from that too. xo

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Let’s try that again with fewer typos! :)

“You sons of bitches. Off to the pool!” Love this, especially in terms of not just fat or whatever the issue may be (wrinkles! Sags!) but simple unavoidable asymmetries. We are not evolved to find asymmetry beautiful, but there it is. So come on, sloping shoulder and odd right calf that somehow stopped matching the left one, let’s get out for that swim!

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I love this: “We are not evolved to find asymmetry beautiful, but there it is.” Yes! “But there it is” to everything!

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Oh, how I feel the asymmetrical thing! I have some pretty obvious (to me and my PT and Pilates instructor) asymmetry. One leg longer than the other, one shoulder slopes slightly, one hip curves out more than the other, and yes, one side of my waist seems to show a little bulge more than the other when my weight is up. Tailored pants can be a nightmare. But most people would never notice. But on top of an aging (58) face and body and deep-seated insecurities about cellulite, the size of my thighs, etc, I have the ability to exhaust myself with self-critical thoughts about my appearance. So to all the sags and wrinkles and bulges, ok, I see you and I don’t like you, but there you are. Sigh. I’ll move on and concentrate on other things!

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This feels good to me. Especially as I’m aging (40 this year!) and I’ve had 3 kids, my body has changed in ways I obviously had no control over. That’s frustrating to the self-concept—something Iona Italia has written about on her substack.

I love my kids and I don’t regret having them. Does that also mean I must LOVE the fat apron that’s now part of my abdominal situation? I like your stance. It’s just something that is, factually, in my case because of pregnancy and genes. Eh.

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“my body has changed in was I obviously had no control over” - I totally relate to this! I’ve found some comfort lately in thinking of my body as a pet (maybe I just love my cats too much). I’m responsible for its care and feeding and if it doesn’t like something it’ll definitely let me know, but I can’t MAKE it do much of anything.

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Totally with you, glad it feels good! And thanks for recommending that Substack, subscribing right away...

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Apr 22, 2023Liked by Mikala Jamison

i love this omg

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I have scoliosis in my lower spine, which means my waist dips in more on one side than the other. My first thought was that maybe you’re not seeing not uneven fat deposits but a reflection of the fact that your legs are two different lengths (most peoples’ are) or a similar structural quirk.

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Interesting! Now I’m so curious which of my legs is longer lol

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My philosophy has always been: "the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

There's also a cost to benefit ratio. I suppose one could remove that tiny roll of fat but would it be worth the effort? If not, then acceptance is the way forward.

I don't see a conflict between grumbling about something and accepting it - as long as it is good-natured grumbling. I don't like having to get old but I must accept it or desperately wanting it to be other than it is will cause more pain than the process itself. I still reserve the right to grumble. Acceptance is a very neutral place to be. It sits between unhappy tolerance and glowing approval.

I'm a little tired of the body positivity movement. They have some good points. However accepting one's body doesn't mean you can't make changes to be healthier or more attractive. The trick is to keep things in perspective and not obsess or become judgmental. Moderation in all things, including moderation.

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