I am admittedly one of those who started lifting for vanity reasons (namely, because I'm in my 40s, and perimenopause does not give a fuck that i run consistently). The things I have always enjoyed, and that have also kept me relatively thin, are no longer effective. That said, I have not seen any visible difference yet but keep showing up because it feels great to be getting stronger, especially at my age.
I hate that I care about fat gain! But we have all been brainwashed, it seems. Also, it's frankly very frustrating when clothes stop fitting, and you don't know if you will just keep growing out of everything you invest in.
I think this is a super normal and understandable feeling -- sometimes the body change frustration comes from nothing other than the financial implications of buying more goddamn pants or bras!! I am not made of money!!
I'm very glad you feel good about getting stronger. That's the stuff that really matters :)
Well I am in my 40s, grew up fat and I certainly care about fat gain being bad. Fat is not good. Fat is the enemy to your arteries and pancreas. Getting into a normal BMI is my main goal because Well... I'm fat.
very grateful to have found your work recently. reading this piece is making me reflect on this inner battle going on in my head. I'm a runner, and I feel the strongest I've ever been. but over the years, my mile time has gotten slower and slower. I keep thinking, maybe if I were thinner, I could run faster.
but my goal isn't to run fast... it's to enjoy the run. to have the endurance. and I do. still, it's like a constant battle—these expectations to work harder, to be better, and the idea that being thinner might be the answer to it all.
still figuring it out, but reading this quieted the self-criticism. thank you.
I know this is unrelated, so pardon the non-sequitur, but on the visual - as an introvert, I would rather gain 10 pounds (or even 50 pounds) than gain 100 more friends.
I would rather do A LOT OF THINGS than GAIN 100 more friends, actually. It sounds like absolute hell. Maybe their survey-writing department needs some work :)
Haha, I had the same thought even as an extrovert. A 100 new friends sounds so overwhelming! A 10lb weight loss is so insignificant. Who thought of that question?
I had the same thought, like that has got to be a typo and they meant 10 friends?!
I also think the incredibly fit vs. incredibly famous was poorly written. There are so many downsides to being incredibly famous and it's not something everybody would strive for. But being fit and healthy? Who wouldn't want that?
Also, nobody in the fitness community wants to admit that they’ve never once dosed their protein right & they’re constantly farting.
People will just openly post online about eggs and protein and coffee every morning like they’re not admitting to mercilessly blasting the back of their toilet.
I lost weight, and I lost muscle mass along with my body fat. I’m trying to incorporate more protein so I don’t lose any more muscle, because I like feeling strong in my body and not having any concerns about being able to lift my luggage or groceries.
But yes, I also have a secondary goal of eventually building back that muscle mass so I can boost my metabolism and one day not have to calorie count quite as fastidiously anymore to prevent weight gain.
This is so interesting because when I started lifting weights rather than just trying to eat less my mentality shifted away from trying to disappear into thinness to desiring some shape but you are right, in the end it still is about the fat - albeit with muscle added to the equation.
same happened to me. building muscle taught me that i don't actually want to be thin (even if I do like being muscular/lean, there's a difference), that the weight i had in my head that i thought i "should" weigh is insane because the weight at which i was my leanest/felt my best was like 25lbs heavier than that, etc. It can be an incredible education
I love getting leaner and stronger through weight-bearing activities (I don't "lift," per se, but I do yoga and Pilates and water resistance training)! But I wish we had a better term for it than "losing weight." I've recently gone down a size and am much more toned but the scale doesn't reflect a net loss... So when people say "have you lost weight?" I don't really know what to say.
this is actually a really important point. losing weight on the scale isn't necessarily the same thing as losing body fat. most people, i think, *think* they want to lose weight when actually they want to lose fat. like if you looked way more lean/muscular but weighed the same and no one ever knew your weight, would you actually care? I think probably not.
sounds like you've lost body fat and gained muscle. if people ask you that question you could probably just say "i've been working out and building muscle!" like, that's what matters, remove weight from the equation
Thanks for providing the perfect response! And you're right, the number on the scale has very little to do with my size, shape, strength, or body confidence. Teenage me would see the number and have a meltdown, but midlife me knows better.
perhaps.. i feel like you over look those who strength train and have jobs/ occupations that are high to medium intensity. I work out so when I'm in the field, I'm not exhausted halfway through data collection. I work out so i can do more of what I love and feel less limited by having to take time to honor my aches and pains (though i still do it when they come up). my muscles are awesome, my stamina is awesome and my soft bits are also awesome. i give my body the fuel it needs and i have no interest in shorting my body in favor of a calorie deficit so i may crash and potentially put myself and others in danger.
I love hearing about this. I don't mean to overlook this at all, you represent an important cohort of people who strength train for unique and very specific reasons :)
The weight training stuff can feel, if you squint your eyes, like it’s empowerment but if you really look it’s more bullshit. It’s stricter rules. It’s still shrinking but now also get ripped. But careful you wouldn’t want to look bulky god forbid. I say get fucking jacked and use this as a way to figure out who you need to get rid of in your life. Whoever wants you to shrink gets eliminated. Also can we talk about how much money it takes to do all of this? The gym the training the protein… not cheap.
I think whether it's empowerment or bullshit is kind of a "the dose makes the poison" situation. It's very easy to fall into some dicey stuff if you're deep deep deep in the fitness world. A lot of former competitors, bodybuilders, etc. talk about this a lot. I think if you determine your own values around these things and act in sane, safe, sustainable ways, it's absolutely empowering.
BUT i will say that there are def ways to strength train/do the gym life thing that aren't as expensive. I started my lifting life at a Planet Fitness for $10/mo and watching YouTube vids :)
I wish the fucking halfwits who commented on Sydney Sweeney in those pics had just been ignored. Their takes did not deserve even a second of attention
I always think about that. Part of me feels like don't feed the trolls, part of me feels like it's important to point to this insane shit so that people have a chance to call it out. I liked Sydney's video pushing back on it, even though I hated that she had to make it, you know?
I started lifting weights about a year ago, about the same time that the menopausal weight started creeping on. I didn't worry about it too much at first because I knew I was doing good for my body and I liked getting stronger, but then my clothes started not fitting and I realized that I couldn't lose the weight even if I wanted to. I tried everything and it just won't budge and that started triggering some old feelings about my weight. I sought the help of a nutritionist because I realized that because I have been doing some form of dieting for years that I didn't even know how many calories a person of my age and activity level needs (I weight train 3x/week and dance from 4-6 hours/week). I also recently just talked to a doctor who manages hormones and weight loss and he confirmed that I have not been getting nearly enough calories and he "prescribed" me to increase my calorie count every week until I get to where I should be and I have to admit that from a mental standpoint it's hard to eat that many calories. It's triggering a lot of feelings, but I'm trying to frame it as feeding my body the fuel it needs to get stronger. I just did a 1 rep max squat of my body weight + 10 lbs last week and deadlifted 205 pounds a couple of weeks ago, so I AM getting stronger and I'm trying to focus on that. Because that is good no matter how you look at it.
I long for the day when women are rushing to get DEXAs for the sake of testing their bone density and muscle mass rather than body fat percentage.
Strength training and eating to add muscle are the perfect vehicle for overriding so many harmful practices we as women have. Obsess over never missing a workout? Strength train regularly with deload weeks and you’ll learn perfection isn’t necessary. Terrified of eating? Increase your calories significantly while training and see for yourself you won’t gain 5lbs overnight. Blinded by the number on a scale? Fit into a smaller size while the scale number gets just a scooch higher. I will proselytize the benefits of both until I can speak no more.
I agree with your question though - is this a good thing if the wrong reasons are still there? In this very narrow case I think yes. I don’t care about your motives as long as you are getting healthy and sustaining it.
The day is coming! Lol I’ve been getting these scans just to track muscle gains and encouraging my female friends do the same! It’s depressing though. Gains are so hard to come by.
i've been dealing with this recently as well, as i've gotten both stronger and gained more body fat over the past two years since i started lifting and eating more. it's messing with my head for sure because i keep thinking "i just need to cut"
I am admittedly one of those who started lifting for vanity reasons (namely, because I'm in my 40s, and perimenopause does not give a fuck that i run consistently). The things I have always enjoyed, and that have also kept me relatively thin, are no longer effective. That said, I have not seen any visible difference yet but keep showing up because it feels great to be getting stronger, especially at my age.
I hate that I care about fat gain! But we have all been brainwashed, it seems. Also, it's frankly very frustrating when clothes stop fitting, and you don't know if you will just keep growing out of everything you invest in.
I think this is a super normal and understandable feeling -- sometimes the body change frustration comes from nothing other than the financial implications of buying more goddamn pants or bras!! I am not made of money!!
I'm very glad you feel good about getting stronger. That's the stuff that really matters :)
I feel like I could have written this exactly.
Same, but in my 50s….
Well I am in my 40s, grew up fat and I certainly care about fat gain being bad. Fat is not good. Fat is the enemy to your arteries and pancreas. Getting into a normal BMI is my main goal because Well... I'm fat.
very grateful to have found your work recently. reading this piece is making me reflect on this inner battle going on in my head. I'm a runner, and I feel the strongest I've ever been. but over the years, my mile time has gotten slower and slower. I keep thinking, maybe if I were thinner, I could run faster.
but my goal isn't to run fast... it's to enjoy the run. to have the endurance. and I do. still, it's like a constant battle—these expectations to work harder, to be better, and the idea that being thinner might be the answer to it all.
still figuring it out, but reading this quieted the self-criticism. thank you.
I'm so glad you found me, Lindsey! Makes me very happy that this post did that for you.
I know this is unrelated, so pardon the non-sequitur, but on the visual - as an introvert, I would rather gain 10 pounds (or even 50 pounds) than gain 100 more friends.
I would rather do A LOT OF THINGS than GAIN 100 more friends, actually. It sounds like absolute hell. Maybe their survey-writing department needs some work :)
Great article!
lol it's so true. 100 friends is pure chaos ... i can't really chalk that particular question up to fatphobia tbh
Haha, I had the same thought even as an extrovert. A 100 new friends sounds so overwhelming! A 10lb weight loss is so insignificant. Who thought of that question?
I had the same thought, like that has got to be a typo and they meant 10 friends?!
I also think the incredibly fit vs. incredibly famous was poorly written. There are so many downsides to being incredibly famous and it's not something everybody would strive for. But being fit and healthy? Who wouldn't want that?
Also, nobody in the fitness community wants to admit that they’ve never once dosed their protein right & they’re constantly farting.
People will just openly post online about eggs and protein and coffee every morning like they’re not admitting to mercilessly blasting the back of their toilet.
Idk how more people don’t talk about this.
lol wtf?
You ever worked in an office of meatheads? The place smells awful!
lol George I fear this is a personal and specific problem
It could happen to any of you just as it did me! You’ll all see
I lost weight, and I lost muscle mass along with my body fat. I’m trying to incorporate more protein so I don’t lose any more muscle, because I like feeling strong in my body and not having any concerns about being able to lift my luggage or groceries.
But yes, I also have a secondary goal of eventually building back that muscle mass so I can boost my metabolism and one day not have to calorie count quite as fastidiously anymore to prevent weight gain.
I totally get it
This is so interesting because when I started lifting weights rather than just trying to eat less my mentality shifted away from trying to disappear into thinness to desiring some shape but you are right, in the end it still is about the fat - albeit with muscle added to the equation.
same happened to me. building muscle taught me that i don't actually want to be thin (even if I do like being muscular/lean, there's a difference), that the weight i had in my head that i thought i "should" weigh is insane because the weight at which i was my leanest/felt my best was like 25lbs heavier than that, etc. It can be an incredible education
exactly!!
I love getting leaner and stronger through weight-bearing activities (I don't "lift," per se, but I do yoga and Pilates and water resistance training)! But I wish we had a better term for it than "losing weight." I've recently gone down a size and am much more toned but the scale doesn't reflect a net loss... So when people say "have you lost weight?" I don't really know what to say.
this is actually a really important point. losing weight on the scale isn't necessarily the same thing as losing body fat. most people, i think, *think* they want to lose weight when actually they want to lose fat. like if you looked way more lean/muscular but weighed the same and no one ever knew your weight, would you actually care? I think probably not.
sounds like you've lost body fat and gained muscle. if people ask you that question you could probably just say "i've been working out and building muscle!" like, that's what matters, remove weight from the equation
Thanks for providing the perfect response! And you're right, the number on the scale has very little to do with my size, shape, strength, or body confidence. Teenage me would see the number and have a meltdown, but midlife me knows better.
"It's the body fat, stupid" is absolutely sending me every time I open my inbox lmao
lol that’s the goal
perhaps.. i feel like you over look those who strength train and have jobs/ occupations that are high to medium intensity. I work out so when I'm in the field, I'm not exhausted halfway through data collection. I work out so i can do more of what I love and feel less limited by having to take time to honor my aches and pains (though i still do it when they come up). my muscles are awesome, my stamina is awesome and my soft bits are also awesome. i give my body the fuel it needs and i have no interest in shorting my body in favor of a calorie deficit so i may crash and potentially put myself and others in danger.
I love hearing about this. I don't mean to overlook this at all, you represent an important cohort of people who strength train for unique and very specific reasons :)
Yup. Thanks for calling it what it is- another anti-fat movement disguised as- can you guess? Yup, you got it- wellness!
Excellent work here.
The weight training stuff can feel, if you squint your eyes, like it’s empowerment but if you really look it’s more bullshit. It’s stricter rules. It’s still shrinking but now also get ripped. But careful you wouldn’t want to look bulky god forbid. I say get fucking jacked and use this as a way to figure out who you need to get rid of in your life. Whoever wants you to shrink gets eliminated. Also can we talk about how much money it takes to do all of this? The gym the training the protein… not cheap.
Thanks!
I think whether it's empowerment or bullshit is kind of a "the dose makes the poison" situation. It's very easy to fall into some dicey stuff if you're deep deep deep in the fitness world. A lot of former competitors, bodybuilders, etc. talk about this a lot. I think if you determine your own values around these things and act in sane, safe, sustainable ways, it's absolutely empowering.
It also does take a lot of money in many cases! I wrote about this for WaPo once: https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2024/06/12/fitness-exercise-spending/
BUT i will say that there are def ways to strength train/do the gym life thing that aren't as expensive. I started my lifting life at a Planet Fitness for $10/mo and watching YouTube vids :)
I wish the fucking halfwits who commented on Sydney Sweeney in those pics had just been ignored. Their takes did not deserve even a second of attention
I always think about that. Part of me feels like don't feed the trolls, part of me feels like it's important to point to this insane shit so that people have a chance to call it out. I liked Sydney's video pushing back on it, even though I hated that she had to make it, you know?
Louder for the ppl in the back
I started lifting weights about a year ago, about the same time that the menopausal weight started creeping on. I didn't worry about it too much at first because I knew I was doing good for my body and I liked getting stronger, but then my clothes started not fitting and I realized that I couldn't lose the weight even if I wanted to. I tried everything and it just won't budge and that started triggering some old feelings about my weight. I sought the help of a nutritionist because I realized that because I have been doing some form of dieting for years that I didn't even know how many calories a person of my age and activity level needs (I weight train 3x/week and dance from 4-6 hours/week). I also recently just talked to a doctor who manages hormones and weight loss and he confirmed that I have not been getting nearly enough calories and he "prescribed" me to increase my calorie count every week until I get to where I should be and I have to admit that from a mental standpoint it's hard to eat that many calories. It's triggering a lot of feelings, but I'm trying to frame it as feeding my body the fuel it needs to get stronger. I just did a 1 rep max squat of my body weight + 10 lbs last week and deadlifted 205 pounds a couple of weeks ago, so I AM getting stronger and I'm trying to focus on that. Because that is good no matter how you look at it.
I long for the day when women are rushing to get DEXAs for the sake of testing their bone density and muscle mass rather than body fat percentage.
Strength training and eating to add muscle are the perfect vehicle for overriding so many harmful practices we as women have. Obsess over never missing a workout? Strength train regularly with deload weeks and you’ll learn perfection isn’t necessary. Terrified of eating? Increase your calories significantly while training and see for yourself you won’t gain 5lbs overnight. Blinded by the number on a scale? Fit into a smaller size while the scale number gets just a scooch higher. I will proselytize the benefits of both until I can speak no more.
I agree with your question though - is this a good thing if the wrong reasons are still there? In this very narrow case I think yes. I don’t care about your motives as long as you are getting healthy and sustaining it.
The day is coming! Lol I’ve been getting these scans just to track muscle gains and encouraging my female friends do the same! It’s depressing though. Gains are so hard to come by.
i've been dealing with this recently as well, as i've gotten both stronger and gained more body fat over the past two years since i started lifting and eating more. it's messing with my head for sure because i keep thinking "i just need to cut"