Taylor: Admits she, like everyone else in our culture, has ingrained fatphobia that is problematic and a history of disordered eating/thinking that she is grappling with.
Internet: Pillories her for not performing her unlearning perfectly, or ideally, never talking about it at all (unless with her therapist, except oops what if her therapist has a larger body, now she has to worry about offending the therapist) because "she's thin and should know she's the beauty standard," despite it literally being the point of beauty culture not to allow anyone to permanently feel like they've "made it." (Because if you feel thin and pretty, who's going to buy the skinny teas and waist trainers and cellulite creams???)
Found you via a FdB comment and I’m so glad. These are the kind of nuanced conversations we need to have about our bodies. Thank you thank you thank you.
I was talking to a friend last night about how I’m significantly heavier than when I met my husband 20 years ago, when we were teenagers. (I mean, duh.) but what’s actually difficult to grapple with is an aging, changing body that doesn’t match the self image I have, which was solidified when I was an athletic teen. Weight is an easy proxy while “I’m entering middle age and I’ve had three kids but in my mind I feel more able/capable/fit from what my body now allows and that truth is confusing and unsettling” is much more difficult to express and deal with.
I'm so glad you found me when I was over there commenting about candy :D
You make an interesting point about your self-image vs. the body you have. I had almost the opposite experience. I was physically larger and not interested in movement/sports as a teen, and that flipped in my early-20s. In many ways I did not quite understand my own body for a while after that shift. It's a very weird space to be in. This is why it's frustrating when I encounter the idea that we might strive to love and understand and embrace our bodies all the time. Sometimes my body just mystifies me and pisses me off, and not just because of aesthetic reasons.
From ''but when a therapist takes to the internet" through "I would not want to feel I have to be a perfect, non-problematic patient to get quality care" is, like, everything I'm feeling right now. As you said, a clinical setting is not the same, but .... what if she IS like that in a clinical setting? 😬 Imagine telling your therapist you feel fat and getting hit with THAT backlash.
Thanks so much for this. This discourse has been challenging for all of the reasons you wrote. I am in a thin body and I am in recovery for disordered eating, and it feels like I’m not allowed to feel how I feel. Like, I know I’m fat phobic. That’s literally how all this started. I have absorbed the messaging around ideal bodies for 44 years. It’s not my fault our culture is the way it is. Do I not get to have my experience just because I’m not in a bigger body? This is also partially why I quit ED therapy. It very much felt like there was a right way to feel and a wrong way to feel. No nuance. All black and white. Idk. Like you said, the internet is just too much lately.
There is so much about these discussions that is nuanced and messy and maddening, I agree with you. Nothing is more complicated for many of us than the relationship with have with our bodies. I don't see a lot of clear-cut "rights" and "wrongs" here, I'm just interested in exploring through conversation and wish it were a bit easier to do that in our current moment.
Wishing you the best in your recovery and thank you for reading <3
Wow. If I was a dysmorphic/underweight ED patient of that therapist, well yeah I would clam up and wonder what was wrong with me, feel ashamed. It’s truly awful that she put that out there!!
Taylor: Admits she, like everyone else in our culture, has ingrained fatphobia that is problematic and a history of disordered eating/thinking that she is grappling with.
Internet: Pillories her for not performing her unlearning perfectly, or ideally, never talking about it at all (unless with her therapist, except oops what if her therapist has a larger body, now she has to worry about offending the therapist) because "she's thin and should know she's the beauty standard," despite it literally being the point of beauty culture not to allow anyone to permanently feel like they've "made it." (Because if you feel thin and pretty, who's going to buy the skinny teas and waist trainers and cellulite creams???)
You get it
All of this! I'm so glad I found this substack.
Found you via a FdB comment and I’m so glad. These are the kind of nuanced conversations we need to have about our bodies. Thank you thank you thank you.
I was talking to a friend last night about how I’m significantly heavier than when I met my husband 20 years ago, when we were teenagers. (I mean, duh.) but what’s actually difficult to grapple with is an aging, changing body that doesn’t match the self image I have, which was solidified when I was an athletic teen. Weight is an easy proxy while “I’m entering middle age and I’ve had three kids but in my mind I feel more able/capable/fit from what my body now allows and that truth is confusing and unsettling” is much more difficult to express and deal with.
I'm so glad you found me when I was over there commenting about candy :D
You make an interesting point about your self-image vs. the body you have. I had almost the opposite experience. I was physically larger and not interested in movement/sports as a teen, and that flipped in my early-20s. In many ways I did not quite understand my own body for a while after that shift. It's a very weird space to be in. This is why it's frustrating when I encounter the idea that we might strive to love and understand and embrace our bodies all the time. Sometimes my body just mystifies me and pisses me off, and not just because of aesthetic reasons.
From ''but when a therapist takes to the internet" through "I would not want to feel I have to be a perfect, non-problematic patient to get quality care" is, like, everything I'm feeling right now. As you said, a clinical setting is not the same, but .... what if she IS like that in a clinical setting? 😬 Imagine telling your therapist you feel fat and getting hit with THAT backlash.
I'm glad it resonated with you!
Thanks so much for this. This discourse has been challenging for all of the reasons you wrote. I am in a thin body and I am in recovery for disordered eating, and it feels like I’m not allowed to feel how I feel. Like, I know I’m fat phobic. That’s literally how all this started. I have absorbed the messaging around ideal bodies for 44 years. It’s not my fault our culture is the way it is. Do I not get to have my experience just because I’m not in a bigger body? This is also partially why I quit ED therapy. It very much felt like there was a right way to feel and a wrong way to feel. No nuance. All black and white. Idk. Like you said, the internet is just too much lately.
There is so much about these discussions that is nuanced and messy and maddening, I agree with you. Nothing is more complicated for many of us than the relationship with have with our bodies. I don't see a lot of clear-cut "rights" and "wrongs" here, I'm just interested in exploring through conversation and wish it were a bit easier to do that in our current moment.
Wishing you the best in your recovery and thank you for reading <3
Wow. If I was a dysmorphic/underweight ED patient of that therapist, well yeah I would clam up and wonder what was wrong with me, feel ashamed. It’s truly awful that she put that out there!!
Yes, I needed a fistful of grass myself tbh! I’m glad you have a nice day planned :)