I'm concerned about the beauty standard brain rot, too. It seems impossible to get away from--even in the body positive space, for example, people will say "eff your beauty standards" with regard to weight, but act fine with kowtowing to all the *other* standards (thick, voluminous hair, plump lips, big eyes, long lashes, etc. etc.). There are comparatively few people out there talking about how damaging all beauty standards are, and how being "hot" ought not to be the pinnacle of your life's purpose. I feel like the whole thing is like some beauty standard version of the prisoner's dilemma--people doing something (whatever they can to be hot) to make their individual life better--since pretty people are treated better--while those same actions worsen the lot of the community (particularly women) as a whole--as we experience a sort of "aesthetic inflation" wherein everyone has to do more and more to even be considered "mid."
I hate this as much as i hate the concept of ‘high value women’!! Honestly i am going to hold onto my SANE boyfriend with both hands because if i have to enter todays dating market (I was only last in the dating marketing in 2018!!) i would go insane. Why can’t we look HUMAN ANYMORE !!!! Obv i know not all men but it’s crazy what is expected of us. What these people (men) gonna do when we’re all old and deflated and less hot ?! Anywho LOVE you writing as ALWAYS
Good lord, I’m glad I’m “old” (post menopausal at 58) and can’t be bothered to care about this. I have grey hair and cellulite and *gasp* a sagging jawline. Let’s normalize normal faces.
Your writing here: “But things are changing. I often watch movies and shows from the 90s and early 2000s and think, “Jesus, people looked … normal.” They weren’t all angles and sucked cheeks and hard edges. I don’t know how else to describe it, they looked realer. Like you could reach out and touch them and feel the warmth of a messy little human instead of the cold contours of a person-like bust in a museum. The former is more beautiful to me at this point in my life, perhaps because I worry it’ll disappear.”
---Yes. Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking watching some older movies now. People. Used. To. Look. REAL. And I had no idea how much filler everyone has now. In lips. Oh my god and god knows knows where else.
Great read! Your line "...it would still be another way we’re supposed to be besides whatever we are." is sticking with me. It reminds how impossible and damaging it can be to try and follow any of these ultimately fleeting trends.
Was looking forward to reading this piece when you mentioned it in Notes and it did not disappoint! Instagram face is getting out of hand and even as a 33 year old woman, I still cant help comparing myself at times when I scroll. But if Im being honest, I like my face a whole lot more than these 10 pounds of makeup, plastic highlighted looks that just seem impossible (and uncomfortable!) to achieve. Thanks for writing about this. Its all brain rot for sure
I feel like I constantly see more and more ways to categorize women based on appearance often being spread by other women, and it makes me think about how much harder it's been getting to be a teen/young girl as the internet has progressed. "girl pretty, boy pretty" "rat pretty, mouse pretty," and now "stereotypically plainly pretty?" I don't think our brains were meant to be this hyperaware about our appearances, ever. Definitely a brain rot moment.
Indeed, the standards of beauty have evolved. I didn’t think about it much till I read this piece, so thanks for drawing my attention to it.
It’s the advent of social media. Now everybody wants to curate their face for the gram. You are right that the internet has shifted the standards of beauty.
What do you think could be done about it?--if anything.
Do you think ‘normal people’ could take back the narrative?
Absolutely love this. I'm one of those bronde regular girls (well, woman). I've had men think I'm over the top gorgeous. And I've had some tell me I'm barely a 5 at best. Some people say that what I lack physically I make up for inwardly in drive, accomplishment, etc. I've had others say that success and intelligence don't add to attractiveness (which I think is laughably insane). It really gets down to how you feel about yourself. But the world really does make it hard to see the best parts of ourselves when we look in the mirror.
Oh my gosh, the thesis on this (or what I saw as the thesis: "You see girls like her, and girls who are even more striking and glamorous, in your phone every day and it’s rotting your brain") is absolutely perfect. Very little I could think to add to this discussion, other than that: I'm curious if people might interpret Tate McRae's beauty (maybe attractiveness is a better word?) differently if more of them knew that she was a dancer before she was a pop star. To me, the latter identity links beauty to something more static, while the former links it to something more, dare I say, "athletic." Not all pop stars are as physically dynamic, but dance is an inherently physical artform. Maybe the discourse about Tate would be different if people knew more about this side of her artistry. Maybe they do, and I'm just clueless lol.
I'm concerned about the beauty standard brain rot, too. It seems impossible to get away from--even in the body positive space, for example, people will say "eff your beauty standards" with regard to weight, but act fine with kowtowing to all the *other* standards (thick, voluminous hair, plump lips, big eyes, long lashes, etc. etc.). There are comparatively few people out there talking about how damaging all beauty standards are, and how being "hot" ought not to be the pinnacle of your life's purpose. I feel like the whole thing is like some beauty standard version of the prisoner's dilemma--people doing something (whatever they can to be hot) to make their individual life better--since pretty people are treated better--while those same actions worsen the lot of the community (particularly women) as a whole--as we experience a sort of "aesthetic inflation" wherein everyone has to do more and more to even be considered "mid."
I hate this as much as i hate the concept of ‘high value women’!! Honestly i am going to hold onto my SANE boyfriend with both hands because if i have to enter todays dating market (I was only last in the dating marketing in 2018!!) i would go insane. Why can’t we look HUMAN ANYMORE !!!! Obv i know not all men but it’s crazy what is expected of us. What these people (men) gonna do when we’re all old and deflated and less hot ?! Anywho LOVE you writing as ALWAYS
Good lord, I’m glad I’m “old” (post menopausal at 58) and can’t be bothered to care about this. I have grey hair and cellulite and *gasp* a sagging jawline. Let’s normalize normal faces.
Your writing here: “But things are changing. I often watch movies and shows from the 90s and early 2000s and think, “Jesus, people looked … normal.” They weren’t all angles and sucked cheeks and hard edges. I don’t know how else to describe it, they looked realer. Like you could reach out and touch them and feel the warmth of a messy little human instead of the cold contours of a person-like bust in a museum. The former is more beautiful to me at this point in my life, perhaps because I worry it’ll disappear.”
---Yes. Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking watching some older movies now. People. Used. To. Look. REAL. And I had no idea how much filler everyone has now. In lips. Oh my god and god knows knows where else.
Great read! Your line "...it would still be another way we’re supposed to be besides whatever we are." is sticking with me. It reminds how impossible and damaging it can be to try and follow any of these ultimately fleeting trends.
When I read that some loser called Margot Robbie “mid” I knew the plot was lost
Was looking forward to reading this piece when you mentioned it in Notes and it did not disappoint! Instagram face is getting out of hand and even as a 33 year old woman, I still cant help comparing myself at times when I scroll. But if Im being honest, I like my face a whole lot more than these 10 pounds of makeup, plastic highlighted looks that just seem impossible (and uncomfortable!) to achieve. Thanks for writing about this. Its all brain rot for sure
Such a great piece! I worry for my 16 year old daughter growing up in this era of impossible beauty standards.
I feel like I constantly see more and more ways to categorize women based on appearance often being spread by other women, and it makes me think about how much harder it's been getting to be a teen/young girl as the internet has progressed. "girl pretty, boy pretty" "rat pretty, mouse pretty," and now "stereotypically plainly pretty?" I don't think our brains were meant to be this hyperaware about our appearances, ever. Definitely a brain rot moment.
"If she is plain, I am Angelica Huston in "The Witches" after she takes her face off,' LMAO
OBSESSED. ELATED THAT YOU COMMENTED ON THE NOTE!!!
Pls let me interview you!?!!! I’d love to get your voice everywhere
This is a lovely piece.
Indeed, the standards of beauty have evolved. I didn’t think about it much till I read this piece, so thanks for drawing my attention to it.
It’s the advent of social media. Now everybody wants to curate their face for the gram. You are right that the internet has shifted the standards of beauty.
What do you think could be done about it?--if anything.
Do you think ‘normal people’ could take back the narrative?
purplemessenger.substack.com
HELLO! Subscribing! Brilliant piece. Could not relate more. 👏👏👏
This is so good
Absolutely love this. I'm one of those bronde regular girls (well, woman). I've had men think I'm over the top gorgeous. And I've had some tell me I'm barely a 5 at best. Some people say that what I lack physically I make up for inwardly in drive, accomplishment, etc. I've had others say that success and intelligence don't add to attractiveness (which I think is laughably insane). It really gets down to how you feel about yourself. But the world really does make it hard to see the best parts of ourselves when we look in the mirror.
Oh my gosh, the thesis on this (or what I saw as the thesis: "You see girls like her, and girls who are even more striking and glamorous, in your phone every day and it’s rotting your brain") is absolutely perfect. Very little I could think to add to this discussion, other than that: I'm curious if people might interpret Tate McRae's beauty (maybe attractiveness is a better word?) differently if more of them knew that she was a dancer before she was a pop star. To me, the latter identity links beauty to something more static, while the former links it to something more, dare I say, "athletic." Not all pop stars are as physically dynamic, but dance is an inherently physical artform. Maybe the discourse about Tate would be different if people knew more about this side of her artistry. Maybe they do, and I'm just clueless lol.