"Our body culture does not become more accepting for all people if we don’t accept the choices of the people whose bodies piss us off or give us Big Feelings for some reason."
The subtext of this powerful statement is that we pay too much attention to everyone else and not enough to ourselves. The only job we have is to "befriend our bodies" and treat them accordingly. Surely, we can look to others for inspiration. But looking to others and experiencing desperation is merely that – desperation. I used to teach workshops called "Befriend Your Body" and this practice really does work. I believe our bodies will tell us what they want, if we tune out the noise and listen.
In terms of values, I would just add that a bit of healthy rage (some people’s also valid feelings about BF) can be crucial in values isolation for the person raging. It may seem like a waste of time or energy for people to focus on what she represents if they don’t align, but I imagine on some level it’s also a way to find what doesn’t work/hasn’t worked for them as an individual.
The hard part about the values being put forth by BF is that they are, for most of us, ones that are in the air we breathe: thinness, a certain type of maternity, and traditional gender roles. It is worthwhile for some to question their own relationship to those ideas, rather than be on a conveyer belt of “This is what worthiness looks like.” And sometimes that looks like getting a bug in your ass about something. I think about how much of my identify formation was about getting bothered by my parents and the world--and then ultimately releasing what isn’t for me (and then circling back to rage when necessary).
I see comments on insta about other women’s bodies/choices/faces and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. If they spent less time thinking about other women they would be so much happier. I get our society makes that very hard AND let’s practice some self control. Celebrate ourselves and our choices and let other women be. I had no idea about Ballerina Farm until some catty women on here kept writing obsessive posts about her. It felt icky and said more about the women than Hannah.
Thank you for writing this! I occasionally check out Ballerina Farm's Insta account and agree that the cooking vids are nice. I have vaguely followed the "discourse" on Hannah and her adventures in pageantry and pregnancy, and I always have the urge to shout at the people criticizing and complaining about her: being on social media and following certain people is a choice! Choose to get off it! bravely unfollow Ballerina Farm! Do something that makes your own life better! Stop worrying about a stranger and her choices! If it wasn't for social media none of us would know what Hannah was up to!
This was really interesting. When you asked, “How much do I care about changing anything about my body and my habits, considering what I’ll sacrifice and what I’ll gain?" I thought about what women gain from their weight. The Economist wrote an article on “The Economics of Thinness”. They state that “For an obese woman, losing weight could boost her salary by as much as obtaining a master’s degree.” Do you think women carry this subconscious baggage? Even as much as you try to remove yourself from Instagram etc. the data doesn't lie so we're in this cycle?
Absolutely love the quote, “The problem is not that she’s setting unrealistic expectations of postpartum but rather that we are expecting her to set expectations at all. I would ask those criticizing why it isn’t okay for her to make this decision for herself. I believe she, just like every other woman, has the right to make decisions about her own body.” YES YES YES. Beautifully written article, Mikala!
Incredibly illuminating and inspiring (and I think about the importance of values--especially as they relate to our wellbeing a LOT, as doing so ties into my healthcare startup--but I’ve NEVER gone this deep and wide about values and the subject matter at hand.
Eight. EIGHT. LOL footnotes 1 + 3 had me howling. maybe we should be applauding her ability to mother eight children. anyways, such a thoughtful post i really enjoyed.
and you know, i always had a strange taste left in my mouth after glancing at some (one?) of the substacks that spends so much time dissecting her life. i'm all for a you do you mentality, write about what makes you light up! guess it just felt like a lot to me!
Mikala, I found your summary simultaneously wise (dare I say old fashioned?) and almost refreshingly radical by today’s standards; take responsibility for yourself. Bravo!
"Our body culture does not become more accepting for all people if we don’t accept the choices of the people whose bodies piss us off or give us Big Feelings for some reason."
The subtext of this powerful statement is that we pay too much attention to everyone else and not enough to ourselves. The only job we have is to "befriend our bodies" and treat them accordingly. Surely, we can look to others for inspiration. But looking to others and experiencing desperation is merely that – desperation. I used to teach workshops called "Befriend Your Body" and this practice really does work. I believe our bodies will tell us what they want, if we tune out the noise and listen.
In terms of values, I would just add that a bit of healthy rage (some people’s also valid feelings about BF) can be crucial in values isolation for the person raging. It may seem like a waste of time or energy for people to focus on what she represents if they don’t align, but I imagine on some level it’s also a way to find what doesn’t work/hasn’t worked for them as an individual.
The hard part about the values being put forth by BF is that they are, for most of us, ones that are in the air we breathe: thinness, a certain type of maternity, and traditional gender roles. It is worthwhile for some to question their own relationship to those ideas, rather than be on a conveyer belt of “This is what worthiness looks like.” And sometimes that looks like getting a bug in your ass about something. I think about how much of my identify formation was about getting bothered by my parents and the world--and then ultimately releasing what isn’t for me (and then circling back to rage when necessary).
🔥🔥🔥 This was excellent.
I see comments on insta about other women’s bodies/choices/faces and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. If they spent less time thinking about other women they would be so much happier. I get our society makes that very hard AND let’s practice some self control. Celebrate ourselves and our choices and let other women be. I had no idea about Ballerina Farm until some catty women on here kept writing obsessive posts about her. It felt icky and said more about the women than Hannah.
Thank you for writing this! I occasionally check out Ballerina Farm's Insta account and agree that the cooking vids are nice. I have vaguely followed the "discourse" on Hannah and her adventures in pageantry and pregnancy, and I always have the urge to shout at the people criticizing and complaining about her: being on social media and following certain people is a choice! Choose to get off it! bravely unfollow Ballerina Farm! Do something that makes your own life better! Stop worrying about a stranger and her choices! If it wasn't for social media none of us would know what Hannah was up to!
This was really interesting. When you asked, “How much do I care about changing anything about my body and my habits, considering what I’ll sacrifice and what I’ll gain?" I thought about what women gain from their weight. The Economist wrote an article on “The Economics of Thinness”. They state that “For an obese woman, losing weight could boost her salary by as much as obtaining a master’s degree.” Do you think women carry this subconscious baggage? Even as much as you try to remove yourself from Instagram etc. the data doesn't lie so we're in this cycle?
Yes. Yes.
I can see why the name "Ballerina farm" might subconsciously or consciously provoke cultural ire though—some apparent semiotic deviousness, there.
Absolutely love the quote, “The problem is not that she’s setting unrealistic expectations of postpartum but rather that we are expecting her to set expectations at all. I would ask those criticizing why it isn’t okay for her to make this decision for herself. I believe she, just like every other woman, has the right to make decisions about her own body.” YES YES YES. Beautifully written article, Mikala!
Mikala, this piece is absolutely priceless.
Incredibly illuminating and inspiring (and I think about the importance of values--especially as they relate to our wellbeing a LOT, as doing so ties into my healthcare startup--but I’ve NEVER gone this deep and wide about values and the subject matter at hand.
Will share with others over time.
Just flippin’ stellar ✨❤️🔥✨
Thank you.
Eight. EIGHT. LOL footnotes 1 + 3 had me howling. maybe we should be applauding her ability to mother eight children. anyways, such a thoughtful post i really enjoyed.
and you know, i always had a strange taste left in my mouth after glancing at some (one?) of the substacks that spends so much time dissecting her life. i'm all for a you do you mentality, write about what makes you light up! guess it just felt like a lot to me!
I really enjoyed this, found it very insightful, and agree on all counts.
Mikala, I found your summary simultaneously wise (dare I say old fashioned?) and almost refreshingly radical by today’s standards; take responsibility for yourself. Bravo!
Great piece