Within my own extended family, I carved a niche out for myself as a shit-stirrer: someone who was not afraid to take the conversation to an awkward places.
A sideways comment about how much chocolate I was eating would be countered with a question about something shameful like how their ex-husband was doing.
I didn't get to comment on your last post, but I'm glad you wrote it because I had no clue that people were choosing to exercise while making comments about why related to the election. It shows that I tuned out. Quite frankly, I know a lot of very upset people that are trying to figure out where to put their energy. If someone is serious that starting to work out as a way to feel more positive that is a good thing. I don't need to tell you that it raises cortisol levels and makes you feel better. But it doesn't need to be a pronouncement. Your previous writing and this one. have an overlap. When people talk about food /body image/ workout in a very public out loud matter, they have something inside that is causing them body discomfort. Or maybe discomfort on another level. Keep it quiet and do it. You can confide in your friends that you are trying to improve on such and such levels because of such and such. Maybe there is a real medical reason. Who knows? But I think any big pronouncement or offhand comment shows someone is not comfortable with something. So yes, your advice up above is quite good. I'm very lucky not to have had to endure any of that in my family. But I know way too many who have.that as a real issue. And it is sad because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. If I want another piece of pie, it is a compliment to my mother-in-law who made it! I hope most folks can enjoy the holiday and not be obsessed with anything body related or have anything thrown at them. Literally or figuratively.
thankfully my family/the people i surround myself with at thanksgiving tend to be pretty chill (there is an upside to living far from one's most problematic family members!) but boy oh boy can we TALK about the fitness instructors this week? it is only tuesday and already every class i've attended has been imbued with huge "work hard now so you can eat pie later" energy. how have we not evolved past this? as someone with a history of disordered eating and troubled body image, this is really not what i want to be encountering in a class, and while i realize i might be particularly sensitive to it, i can't imagine the framing of a nice thanksgiving meal as something to be earned only through extra reps and more intense cardio lands well on others. curious how you'd push back on this vibe, or if you would!!
LOVE any responses that point out how WEIRD it is to be commenting on someone's body or what they eat. It gets right to the heart of it and shuts ppl right up!
This is why my family gets phone calls from me during the holidays now, instead of visits. There is no way I am getting on planes and buses to be subjected to any of this anymore
I have lost weight this year and im not looking forward to the holiday for this reason. My mom has a lot of her own negative self talk about weight and body image PLUS she micromanages how I cook (even though I am a better cook than she is and she has said so). There’s a lot of envy and subconscious resentment disguised as concern. I just have to accept that it’s going to be hard.
I have an in-law with a very deep E.D. of the non-eating variety. She grates my nerves constantly commenting about 'how much food/so much food' and making insanely tiny portions for herself like she's feeding a gerbil under the table. My go-to is actually from a Virginia Sole Smith interview ( can't remember who ) but to just keep saying ' wow its so terrible that Diet Culture makes us think we can't enjoy our food or our bodies right?' I love that it puts it on them as thought they already agree. its a real gobsmacker and makes ppl shut right up. - in solidarity Amber!
Within my own extended family, I carved a niche out for myself as a shit-stirrer: someone who was not afraid to take the conversation to an awkward places.
A sideways comment about how much chocolate I was eating would be countered with a question about something shameful like how their ex-husband was doing.
Inspirational! May we all be more like Robert this holiday season
I didn't get to comment on your last post, but I'm glad you wrote it because I had no clue that people were choosing to exercise while making comments about why related to the election. It shows that I tuned out. Quite frankly, I know a lot of very upset people that are trying to figure out where to put their energy. If someone is serious that starting to work out as a way to feel more positive that is a good thing. I don't need to tell you that it raises cortisol levels and makes you feel better. But it doesn't need to be a pronouncement. Your previous writing and this one. have an overlap. When people talk about food /body image/ workout in a very public out loud matter, they have something inside that is causing them body discomfort. Or maybe discomfort on another level. Keep it quiet and do it. You can confide in your friends that you are trying to improve on such and such levels because of such and such. Maybe there is a real medical reason. Who knows? But I think any big pronouncement or offhand comment shows someone is not comfortable with something. So yes, your advice up above is quite good. I'm very lucky not to have had to endure any of that in my family. But I know way too many who have.that as a real issue. And it is sad because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. If I want another piece of pie, it is a compliment to my mother-in-law who made it! I hope most folks can enjoy the holiday and not be obsessed with anything body related or have anything thrown at them. Literally or figuratively.
thankfully my family/the people i surround myself with at thanksgiving tend to be pretty chill (there is an upside to living far from one's most problematic family members!) but boy oh boy can we TALK about the fitness instructors this week? it is only tuesday and already every class i've attended has been imbued with huge "work hard now so you can eat pie later" energy. how have we not evolved past this? as someone with a history of disordered eating and troubled body image, this is really not what i want to be encountering in a class, and while i realize i might be particularly sensitive to it, i can't imagine the framing of a nice thanksgiving meal as something to be earned only through extra reps and more intense cardio lands well on others. curious how you'd push back on this vibe, or if you would!!
LOVE any responses that point out how WEIRD it is to be commenting on someone's body or what they eat. It gets right to the heart of it and shuts ppl right up!
This is why my family gets phone calls from me during the holidays now, instead of visits. There is no way I am getting on planes and buses to be subjected to any of this anymore
Love all this!!!! Very wise. ❤️
I have lost weight this year and im not looking forward to the holiday for this reason. My mom has a lot of her own negative self talk about weight and body image PLUS she micromanages how I cook (even though I am a better cook than she is and she has said so). There’s a lot of envy and subconscious resentment disguised as concern. I just have to accept that it’s going to be hard.
I have an in-law with a very deep E.D. of the non-eating variety. She grates my nerves constantly commenting about 'how much food/so much food' and making insanely tiny portions for herself like she's feeding a gerbil under the table. My go-to is actually from a Virginia Sole Smith interview ( can't remember who ) but to just keep saying ' wow its so terrible that Diet Culture makes us think we can't enjoy our food or our bodies right?' I love that it puts it on them as thought they already agree. its a real gobsmacker and makes ppl shut right up. - in solidarity Amber!
Stay strong Amber!