I am extremely pro gym flirting! It’s a building full of people of above average attractiveness, who are likely to live nearby each other, who share a hobby, who see each other multiple times a week in some cases, and who are demonstrably reliable enough to commit to something. There are few better circumstances under which to develop a rapport with someone and potentially turn it into a relationship! In five years I’ve had one weirdo—a guy I’d never seen before and haven’t seen since—interrupt me mid-set to ask for my number. Other than that I’ve had a bunch of a hot, nice men chit chat with me and ask me out and be perfectly respectful after being told I’m taken. My guiding heuristic is that people are largely 1) normal and 2) resilient. The guy you’ve seen every Saturday for the last eight months approaching you probably doesn’t want to kill you, and both of you will survive if he asks you out and you say no.
Also, I think as a society we are not doing ourselves any favors by each of us being in our own world and thinking opportunities for little connections with the other humans who are actually present in our physical space are some kind of horrible imposition. You’re simply not too good or too busy to exchange thirty seconds of pleasantries with a stranger. You’re not!
yes yes yes! I should have included in the post that it's def true that I've had a weird gym interaction or two in my day; I've had dudes act iffy toward me there. But that ... unfortunately happens everywhere. I've had dudes be way more hostile/annoying/creepy when I was out walking on the street than I ever have had in the gym
Totally agree! If it's done right, even if it doesn't go anywhere romantic you still have a nice gym buddy to high-five when you run into each other. As a married woman, I appreciate that the gym is one of the few places where I can still experience some respectful attention, actually.
This is a good example of what I love about Substack. Personally, I’m not a proponent of this concept - advocating for flirting at the gym. But this was written in such a smart, positive, adult way that acknowledged potential downsides - it legitimately changed my opinion on this at large, even though it didn’t change for me personally. Made me think about the whole idea in a broader, more positive, hopeful way. I dig that. Great post. Genuinely don’t think a post like this could exist and flourish on any other social media platform. Well done Mikala!
Most welcome. I thought about it even more after. I see comments on SS posts where there’s healthy disagreement. And that’s cool. But this was next level. Where I walked away with a new perspective, changed for the better. I’ve had that a few times now on here. Good stuff. Keep bringing it! 👊
Ugh, this challenges my long-term notion of getting in, doing my shit, and getting out--all while balancing RBF as a young woman of color in a predominantly white area. Ngl though, I've definitely noticed some cuties in the gym, and I appreciate your encouragement to be brave.
I totally support anyone's right to get in, ignore everyone, and get out. Totally fine w/me. Just want people who *do* wanna flirt to feel like they can (if they aren't dicks about it) <3
after a long day of desk work or client conversation i always relish the social aspect of the gym-- and completely agree that gym flirting is low stakes, high reward! we all need a little flirting in our lives tbh so i deff approve of this message
I actually had someone try to talk to me at the gym. He was nice, but not my type. I kindly put my headphones back on and said I can’t walk whenever I’m on the treadmill because of my asthma. The asthma part wasn’t a lie. I saw him a second time at the gym on another day, so I stopped to say hello. He was on the rowing machines, we had a nice conversation, and he realized that I was 20 years older than him. No worries to be honest. I haven’t seen him since then and I wish him well.
I didn’t realize going to the gym together is a “thing” for couples as I am stubbornly independent. I love to just listen to my audiobook, watch Gutfeld, and do my gym thing. I can see how it’s a great place to meet someone, though.
I commend your striving to increase emotional connection between people in this age of antisocial media, at say gyms.
But they’re all about the body, with little scope for individual emotional expression.
Meeting at a good nightclub dance floor, offers the emotional highs music & dancing can bring.
I first went to a gym in 1980, when at school. I now bump into men now who regret doing weights, & feel they need a bra! Gyms now bore me.
I quickly moved to then fashionable aerobics, then dancing, (EDM & Latin) & still get awards for dancing now, even as a very masculine middle-aged geologist. I’m at my best dancing, feeling the music, never drugs, little drink.
I appreciate your perspective on this. I've thought about it before but never acted on it because I respect a woman's privacy at the gym—especially, as you rightly mentioned, when she has her headphones on.
I am extremely pro gym flirting! It’s a building full of people of above average attractiveness, who are likely to live nearby each other, who share a hobby, who see each other multiple times a week in some cases, and who are demonstrably reliable enough to commit to something. There are few better circumstances under which to develop a rapport with someone and potentially turn it into a relationship! In five years I’ve had one weirdo—a guy I’d never seen before and haven’t seen since—interrupt me mid-set to ask for my number. Other than that I’ve had a bunch of a hot, nice men chit chat with me and ask me out and be perfectly respectful after being told I’m taken. My guiding heuristic is that people are largely 1) normal and 2) resilient. The guy you’ve seen every Saturday for the last eight months approaching you probably doesn’t want to kill you, and both of you will survive if he asks you out and you say no.
Also, I think as a society we are not doing ourselves any favors by each of us being in our own world and thinking opportunities for little connections with the other humans who are actually present in our physical space are some kind of horrible imposition. You’re simply not too good or too busy to exchange thirty seconds of pleasantries with a stranger. You’re not!
yes yes yes! I should have included in the post that it's def true that I've had a weird gym interaction or two in my day; I've had dudes act iffy toward me there. But that ... unfortunately happens everywhere. I've had dudes be way more hostile/annoying/creepy when I was out walking on the street than I ever have had in the gym
Totally agree! If it's done right, even if it doesn't go anywhere romantic you still have a nice gym buddy to high-five when you run into each other. As a married woman, I appreciate that the gym is one of the few places where I can still experience some respectful attention, actually.
honestly same!
This is a good example of what I love about Substack. Personally, I’m not a proponent of this concept - advocating for flirting at the gym. But this was written in such a smart, positive, adult way that acknowledged potential downsides - it legitimately changed my opinion on this at large, even though it didn’t change for me personally. Made me think about the whole idea in a broader, more positive, hopeful way. I dig that. Great post. Genuinely don’t think a post like this could exist and flourish on any other social media platform. Well done Mikala!
Thank you so much
Most welcome. I thought about it even more after. I see comments on SS posts where there’s healthy disagreement. And that’s cool. But this was next level. Where I walked away with a new perspective, changed for the better. I’ve had that a few times now on here. Good stuff. Keep bringing it! 👊
Ugh, this challenges my long-term notion of getting in, doing my shit, and getting out--all while balancing RBF as a young woman of color in a predominantly white area. Ngl though, I've definitely noticed some cuties in the gym, and I appreciate your encouragement to be brave.
I totally support anyone's right to get in, ignore everyone, and get out. Totally fine w/me. Just want people who *do* wanna flirt to feel like they can (if they aren't dicks about it) <3
Absolutely!!!
Love this! I need to upgrade my resting-bitch-face as well, to occasional resting-smile-face.
listen if they can't handle me at my RBF they don't deserve me at my RSF
after a long day of desk work or client conversation i always relish the social aspect of the gym-- and completely agree that gym flirting is low stakes, high reward! we all need a little flirting in our lives tbh so i deff approve of this message
i think being flirted with in a respectful, chill, low-pressure way is one of life's great pleasures lol
I'd love to have more friendly chat with people at the gym. My friend does it all the time with no agenda at all. I guess if you're shy your'e shy.
Great idea and people should do it! Great place to connect.
I actually had someone try to talk to me at the gym. He was nice, but not my type. I kindly put my headphones back on and said I can’t walk whenever I’m on the treadmill because of my asthma. The asthma part wasn’t a lie. I saw him a second time at the gym on another day, so I stopped to say hello. He was on the rowing machines, we had a nice conversation, and he realized that I was 20 years older than him. No worries to be honest. I haven’t seen him since then and I wish him well.
I didn’t realize going to the gym together is a “thing” for couples as I am stubbornly independent. I love to just listen to my audiobook, watch Gutfeld, and do my gym thing. I can see how it’s a great place to meet someone, though.
I meant to say I can’t talk while on the treadmill due to asthma.
I commend your striving to increase emotional connection between people in this age of antisocial media, at say gyms.
But they’re all about the body, with little scope for individual emotional expression.
Meeting at a good nightclub dance floor, offers the emotional highs music & dancing can bring.
I first went to a gym in 1980, when at school. I now bump into men now who regret doing weights, & feel they need a bra! Gyms now bore me.
I quickly moved to then fashionable aerobics, then dancing, (EDM & Latin) & still get awards for dancing now, even as a very masculine middle-aged geologist. I’m at my best dancing, feeling the music, never drugs, little drink.
It’s about whatever suits you. Bon chance!
I appreciate your perspective on this. I've thought about it before but never acted on it because I respect a woman's privacy at the gym—especially, as you rightly mentioned, when she has her headphones on.