"And honestly — admitting to a massive L here — I used to think that if people weren’t blasting social media posts about their actions and values in the wake of major news events, they were falling down on a crucial part of the Being a Good Person job. Of course that meant when I posted, I got to feel comparatively self-righteous. This shitty little attitude alienates people and achieves nothing. It stemmed from my own fears, insecurities, immaturity, and ignorance about what the hell else to do but post. That kind of posting never accomplished as much as I liked to think, and my haughty judgment of other people never accomplished anything at all. "
This is so, so true. I'm a lifelong activist. Activism is my hobby, my job, everything, and it's what my partnership with my husband is built around. I've mostly abandoned the need to advertise it on social media, but yesterday morning I found myself feeling intense pressure to prove that I'm Doing Good. And even panicked about whether I'm advertising it enough. It's not an impulse I'm proud of, but it's one I had nonetheless. And I wasted a lot of time on it that I could have spent on something else. I'm going to keep reminding myself to slow my roll. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Thanks so much for sharing that Zawn. It's really easy to get caught up in the need to signal. I have no problem with posting (I just don't want to do it right now) because obviously it can be massively helpful. I just know sometimes I've done it for less than noble reasons.
A very thoughtful piece. I have to say I have never been a fan of social media. I think it’s the cause of so many of our problems. I never chose to be on Facebook because I have always felt it was conducive to feeling inadequate, lonely or missing out & was never really “real”. I joined Twitter to follow my son on his Poker career & then found a grief group who truly did help me through the loss of my husband. But the ugliness & hate reared its ugly head eventually & I was gone. I have mostly loved Substack until the election madness took over. Hopefully, we can get back to good there. But I guess what I have always known is keeping in touch by text or phone call really does keep you connected to friends & loved ones. Hundreds of “friends” on social media are not really your friends. Meeting a friend for coffee or a glass of wine in real time - the best! Remembering a birthday can make someone’s day but is almost a lost art. I’m hoping we’ll start to see the light & get back to some of the good that used to be.
This has hit such a chord with me. It is funny how in 2016 it felt like tearing your eyes away from social media/the news was in some way Failing to Do Your Civic Duty and it just ended up fuelling the disinformation machine that’s resulted in the current situation. As a Brit, I think we’ll be a lot less hung up on Trump’s every movement this time - all I want to do is detach.
I do think this, AI, deepfakes, the general social isolation from the pandemic - we’ve reached a point where tech isn’t serving us anymore. There’s more of a hunger for face to face connection and community than I’ve ever seen.
Same. I’ve seen it too, and it’s SO reassuring. My sister and two of my closest friends are all pretty different from me in terms of politics, but the connections when we get together only have gotten stronger over the years.
What you wrote is so meaningful and resonates with me deeply. I feel the need for community and being with people. Having deep discussions. And they don't have to be political. How about let's talk about life and its challenges and joys. And let's make experiences. I don't want to be sitting around my house scrolling away. I'd rather meet someone for coffee than comment on their post. It doesn't mean I have to abandon social media to see my friend's kids, but I like what you say about getting together and not resisting that urge to do so. So. That is what was so great about the storytelling this summer. Authentic people showing up for each other and making connections. Amen sister! On that note, I'm going to get in touch with you so we can get together in person! In the meantime, keep doing this.
Absolutely love this, thank you. I resonated so much with my past-self being a social media crusader but not actually putting in the work. This year I resolved to volunteer every month and NOT post about it, and WOW the difference it makes. I also set reminders to check in on friends and it means SUCH to them when I remember they have a big presentation or doctors appointment. Micro actions lead to macro change. 🫶
I find myself scrolling social media when I feel most lonely and disconnected, and it generally makes things worse. Instead of opening instagram or facebook it’s much better for my mental health to text someone or pick up a book. I also really, really love to experience my friends’ excited storytelling in person rather than just reading a post or seeing photos of their big news.
Thank you for writing this and reminding me of the importance of checking in with our community. I do it religiously but sometimes it felt futile in comparison to other things so this was comforting to hear. Your newsletter is my favourite on Substack, I love reading your thoughts on things outside of our relationship with our bodies - thank you!
Mikayla, we don’t know each other, and yet somehow you’ve written out, almost word for word, the evolution of my own relationship to being online, to communicating and connecting online, and to community on- and offline. I’m an old-school blogger, and online for years before that. I’ve ridden this wave of connection and disconnection. I know there’s magic here, and there’s also the potential for extreme loneliness masquerading as friendship. Reading how you laid out your own experience truly helps me find the words for it in ways I haven’t been able to (or haven’t tried hard enough to) on my own. Thank you.
Mikala, I love this and here’s why: I’m not in the same boat, politically speaking, but there is so much in here that I mentally pumped my fist to while reading it. Your emphasis on in-person community, your admission to using social media as a self-righteousness tool, your realization that the less you use social media the better you are AND the better your relationships are…I have the same story. I’ve gotten a lot from your writing in terms of how to address certain physical issues I have, but this is engaging and valuable on another level. I think, no matter which way the election had gone, the need for real-life community has NEVER been greater, and it’s been a constant in my mind for a long time. And in the future: no matter which way they go, hopefully we ALL can remember that in-person community (with people we may or may not agree with or even don’t understand at all) is so critical. ❤️
Since the election, my most meaningful, memorable experiences have been: talking with my neighbor about his concerns for his wife (who recently miscarried and got sepsis), hanging with my east coast besties over video chat, and texting with my siblings. Basically: real interactions with people I love and/or share everyday life with. Also, and not really related to what I just said: you have such a knack for distilling hard, big topics in a way that doesn't feel dismissive or reductive, and I always appreciate that about your writing. Thank you for the community here at Body Type and for crafting writing that gets right to the heart of things.
To spare you the details, I wasn't my best self when I went out into the wild on Friday to run errands. There were middle fingers, saying exactly what was on my mind to imbecilic men, lots of swearing (I'm really good at it) and more middle fingers. Usually, getting something off my chest is cathartic; I feel better after. This was different. This was cyclical. It only fed my rage and their rage and WTF is the point of that? So, lesson learned. I'm not feeding it, on either side. And, let me be clear, my Anger LOVES to educate, correct and clarify. But we are dealing with a whole other level of [redacted] today, the deep bigotry that got us here. So, I'm not feeding it. I'm not giving it oxygen. (And this is going to be white-knuckle-ingly hard.) I was in an awful mood from 2016-2022, and I'm not going back to that. My awful mood didn't change the world for the better. Just take a look. It only harmed me. Not doing that again. If I see something I don't like on Social Media, immediate block. Don't care if it's a comment on someone else's post, BLOCK! I'm not looking to be in an echo chamber; I'm protecting my hard-won inner peace. This isn't about ignoring what's happening or going toxically positive (gross); this is to be present and deal with what's in front of me right now and what I have control over. Pacing myself, because this is going to be a long road.
You've created a lovely community here, Mikala. Thank you! The only way through is through. We'll all keep going. xo
"And honestly — admitting to a massive L here — I used to think that if people weren’t blasting social media posts about their actions and values in the wake of major news events, they were falling down on a crucial part of the Being a Good Person job. Of course that meant when I posted, I got to feel comparatively self-righteous. This shitty little attitude alienates people and achieves nothing. It stemmed from my own fears, insecurities, immaturity, and ignorance about what the hell else to do but post. That kind of posting never accomplished as much as I liked to think, and my haughty judgment of other people never accomplished anything at all. "
This is so, so true. I'm a lifelong activist. Activism is my hobby, my job, everything, and it's what my partnership with my husband is built around. I've mostly abandoned the need to advertise it on social media, but yesterday morning I found myself feeling intense pressure to prove that I'm Doing Good. And even panicked about whether I'm advertising it enough. It's not an impulse I'm proud of, but it's one I had nonetheless. And I wasted a lot of time on it that I could have spent on something else. I'm going to keep reminding myself to slow my roll. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Thanks so much for sharing that Zawn. It's really easy to get caught up in the need to signal. I have no problem with posting (I just don't want to do it right now) because obviously it can be massively helpful. I just know sometimes I've done it for less than noble reasons.
I appreciate this post. It resonates with me.
A very thoughtful piece. I have to say I have never been a fan of social media. I think it’s the cause of so many of our problems. I never chose to be on Facebook because I have always felt it was conducive to feeling inadequate, lonely or missing out & was never really “real”. I joined Twitter to follow my son on his Poker career & then found a grief group who truly did help me through the loss of my husband. But the ugliness & hate reared its ugly head eventually & I was gone. I have mostly loved Substack until the election madness took over. Hopefully, we can get back to good there. But I guess what I have always known is keeping in touch by text or phone call really does keep you connected to friends & loved ones. Hundreds of “friends” on social media are not really your friends. Meeting a friend for coffee or a glass of wine in real time - the best! Remembering a birthday can make someone’s day but is almost a lost art. I’m hoping we’ll start to see the light & get back to some of the good that used to be.
I think you not being on social media has what’s kept you calmer than others over the years 😂❤️
😊Maybe
This has hit such a chord with me. It is funny how in 2016 it felt like tearing your eyes away from social media/the news was in some way Failing to Do Your Civic Duty and it just ended up fuelling the disinformation machine that’s resulted in the current situation. As a Brit, I think we’ll be a lot less hung up on Trump’s every movement this time - all I want to do is detach.
I do think this, AI, deepfakes, the general social isolation from the pandemic - we’ve reached a point where tech isn’t serving us anymore. There’s more of a hunger for face to face connection and community than I’ve ever seen.
Same. I’ve seen it too, and it’s SO reassuring. My sister and two of my closest friends are all pretty different from me in terms of politics, but the connections when we get together only have gotten stronger over the years.
What you wrote is so meaningful and resonates with me deeply. I feel the need for community and being with people. Having deep discussions. And they don't have to be political. How about let's talk about life and its challenges and joys. And let's make experiences. I don't want to be sitting around my house scrolling away. I'd rather meet someone for coffee than comment on their post. It doesn't mean I have to abandon social media to see my friend's kids, but I like what you say about getting together and not resisting that urge to do so. So. That is what was so great about the storytelling this summer. Authentic people showing up for each other and making connections. Amen sister! On that note, I'm going to get in touch with you so we can get together in person! In the meantime, keep doing this.
Thanks Sheri ❤️ Let’s definitely get together!
Absolutely love this, thank you. I resonated so much with my past-self being a social media crusader but not actually putting in the work. This year I resolved to volunteer every month and NOT post about it, and WOW the difference it makes. I also set reminders to check in on friends and it means SUCH to them when I remember they have a big presentation or doctors appointment. Micro actions lead to macro change. 🫶
Love this ❤️
I find myself scrolling social media when I feel most lonely and disconnected, and it generally makes things worse. Instead of opening instagram or facebook it’s much better for my mental health to text someone or pick up a book. I also really, really love to experience my friends’ excited storytelling in person rather than just reading a post or seeing photos of their big news.
That’s a big part of it too, I want to hear my friends tell me things in their voice!
Thank you for writing this and reminding me of the importance of checking in with our community. I do it religiously but sometimes it felt futile in comparison to other things so this was comforting to hear. Your newsletter is my favourite on Substack, I love reading your thoughts on things outside of our relationship with our bodies - thank you!
Thanks so much Gabrielle! I'm honored :)
Really, really well said. And I concur and relate on so many levels. Thank you. 🙏
Thanks for reading ✨
Well said Mikala. The only thing I would add is that we should be focused on community regardless of whether we had won or lost this election.
Absolutely
Mikayla, we don’t know each other, and yet somehow you’ve written out, almost word for word, the evolution of my own relationship to being online, to communicating and connecting online, and to community on- and offline. I’m an old-school blogger, and online for years before that. I’ve ridden this wave of connection and disconnection. I know there’s magic here, and there’s also the potential for extreme loneliness masquerading as friendship. Reading how you laid out your own experience truly helps me find the words for it in ways I haven’t been able to (or haven’t tried hard enough to) on my own. Thank you.
Ach! I misspelled your name! Sorry about that.
No worries and thank you so much Asha. I’m truly so glad this resonated with you
Mikala, I love this and here’s why: I’m not in the same boat, politically speaking, but there is so much in here that I mentally pumped my fist to while reading it. Your emphasis on in-person community, your admission to using social media as a self-righteousness tool, your realization that the less you use social media the better you are AND the better your relationships are…I have the same story. I’ve gotten a lot from your writing in terms of how to address certain physical issues I have, but this is engaging and valuable on another level. I think, no matter which way the election had gone, the need for real-life community has NEVER been greater, and it’s been a constant in my mind for a long time. And in the future: no matter which way they go, hopefully we ALL can remember that in-person community (with people we may or may not agree with or even don’t understand at all) is so critical. ❤️
Since the election, my most meaningful, memorable experiences have been: talking with my neighbor about his concerns for his wife (who recently miscarried and got sepsis), hanging with my east coast besties over video chat, and texting with my siblings. Basically: real interactions with people I love and/or share everyday life with. Also, and not really related to what I just said: you have such a knack for distilling hard, big topics in a way that doesn't feel dismissive or reductive, and I always appreciate that about your writing. Thank you for the community here at Body Type and for crafting writing that gets right to the heart of things.
Posted something similar over in my neck of the woods. Thank you for sharing this. Nice to know I’m not alone.
To spare you the details, I wasn't my best self when I went out into the wild on Friday to run errands. There were middle fingers, saying exactly what was on my mind to imbecilic men, lots of swearing (I'm really good at it) and more middle fingers. Usually, getting something off my chest is cathartic; I feel better after. This was different. This was cyclical. It only fed my rage and their rage and WTF is the point of that? So, lesson learned. I'm not feeding it, on either side. And, let me be clear, my Anger LOVES to educate, correct and clarify. But we are dealing with a whole other level of [redacted] today, the deep bigotry that got us here. So, I'm not feeding it. I'm not giving it oxygen. (And this is going to be white-knuckle-ingly hard.) I was in an awful mood from 2016-2022, and I'm not going back to that. My awful mood didn't change the world for the better. Just take a look. It only harmed me. Not doing that again. If I see something I don't like on Social Media, immediate block. Don't care if it's a comment on someone else's post, BLOCK! I'm not looking to be in an echo chamber; I'm protecting my hard-won inner peace. This isn't about ignoring what's happening or going toxically positive (gross); this is to be present and deal with what's in front of me right now and what I have control over. Pacing myself, because this is going to be a long road.
You've created a lovely community here, Mikala. Thank you! The only way through is through. We'll all keep going. xo
Beautiful, Jess 💛