This article! Thank you for articulating so much of what has been on my mind lately. After gaining weight during pregnancy, a traumatic birth, breastfeeding, and trying to heal from all of that and the pandemic, I want to lose some if this extra weight, find my muscles, and enjoy the benefits of exercising that I love and miss. I have been reading a lot about diet culture and fatphobia recently and started feeling so confused and pangs of guilt for wanting to lose weight! You have helped me clarify that I am not alone, and it is my choice!
This may be completely irrelevant and not helpful for you, but re: gaining weight on vacation. I’m small fat (size 16) and ever since I stopped dieting, I don’t gain weight on vacation anymore. In fact, I’ve noticed sometimes my clothes are looser by the end of a vacation from walking 8-12 miles per day. Back when I was dieting, I would always eat a ton and gain a significant amount of weight every time I went on vacation (like 10 pounds on a week long trip), but since completely letting go of dieting and practicing intuitive eating, that’s no longer the case. I agree that it’s not necessarily realistic to give up the subconscious desire to be thinner - if I could snap my fingers and just be thinner, I would. However, significant recovery is possible: I don’t weigh myself, dieting isn’t tempting to me anymore, I eat whatever I want and my weight stays the same, most of what I’m attracted to is nutrient dense food, but whenever I want a treat, I have the treat. I have never felt so physically and mentally healthy. There are days I look in the mirror and don’t feel positive about my body, but I generally feel neutral towards it and I have fully internalized that the way I look is not an indicator of my worth as a person (which 6 years ago I didn’t even have the language to describe that’s how I felt).
On the other hand, I 100% understand what you’re saying. For me, it’s my forehead wrinkles and wanting botox - I don’t like the muscles and wrinkles on my forehead, I get the urge to get Botox again, then feel guilty for wanting botox. Then go back and forth in my head about it - justifying it (I’ve given up most skincare and makeup, I deserve to keep some of my beauty routines) and then not wanting to go through with it and feed into our appearance obsessed culture. Like you said, you can know exactly why you’re doing something, exactly why it’s problematic and disempowering - that doesn’t undo years of societal conditioning and brainwashing!
This was really good. We can recognize things that society and people do as fatphobic and it's really hard to unlearn that. I am vain too I want to wear better clothes and look a certain way. I think body positivity is too much for me like I just want to not hate my body and body neutrality sits easier with me. Thank you for this read!
I’ve lost 140 lbs because my HMO won’t fix my arthritic knees unless I weigh less. I’m tired of limiting my activities because I can’t stand or walk for long. And I am sure as hell enjoying sitting in a restaurant booth and not needing a seatbelt extender on a plane. It’s going to be interesting to see how this plays out in the long run but I love the concept that it’s nobody’s business but mine.
Feb 15, 2023·edited Feb 15, 2023Liked by Mikala Jamison
I love how you've approached this sensitive topic with nuance and thought. Nowadays - be it because of social media algorithms - we're bombarded by content we either 100% agree with or 100% disagree with, but your reflection was so beautifully nuanced and real, and you analysed the two seemingly contrasting fields of body image so well.
This year has been pretty tough on my mental health, from studying for my Master's degree to losing a loved one, and the ensuing stress made me gain around 20 lbs. I'm still small, so I haven't directly experienced society's fatphobia, but I can't help but feel like a failure when my jeans from my last year don't fit me anymore. And, most days, I'm stuck in this conundrum of 'Should I lose weight and go back to 'normal' or do I accept my new body, even though I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I want my favourite jeans to fit me again?' It's hard! But seeing you approach the topic of body image with forgiveness and maturity was so insightful. And healing.
It really struck a chord with me when you said that " Changing your diet (how you eat 80% of the time) forever isn’t the same thing as dieting. Some say “lifestyle change” is a new diet company euphemism. That doesn’t make actual lifestyle change less legitimate."
Because metabolic health is far more important than being thin. Overweight people can be healthy and sometimes thin people can be sick. So being thin doesn't necessarily translate to healthy.
This article! Thank you for articulating so much of what has been on my mind lately. After gaining weight during pregnancy, a traumatic birth, breastfeeding, and trying to heal from all of that and the pandemic, I want to lose some if this extra weight, find my muscles, and enjoy the benefits of exercising that I love and miss. I have been reading a lot about diet culture and fatphobia recently and started feeling so confused and pangs of guilt for wanting to lose weight! You have helped me clarify that I am not alone, and it is my choice!
This may be completely irrelevant and not helpful for you, but re: gaining weight on vacation. I’m small fat (size 16) and ever since I stopped dieting, I don’t gain weight on vacation anymore. In fact, I’ve noticed sometimes my clothes are looser by the end of a vacation from walking 8-12 miles per day. Back when I was dieting, I would always eat a ton and gain a significant amount of weight every time I went on vacation (like 10 pounds on a week long trip), but since completely letting go of dieting and practicing intuitive eating, that’s no longer the case. I agree that it’s not necessarily realistic to give up the subconscious desire to be thinner - if I could snap my fingers and just be thinner, I would. However, significant recovery is possible: I don’t weigh myself, dieting isn’t tempting to me anymore, I eat whatever I want and my weight stays the same, most of what I’m attracted to is nutrient dense food, but whenever I want a treat, I have the treat. I have never felt so physically and mentally healthy. There are days I look in the mirror and don’t feel positive about my body, but I generally feel neutral towards it and I have fully internalized that the way I look is not an indicator of my worth as a person (which 6 years ago I didn’t even have the language to describe that’s how I felt).
On the other hand, I 100% understand what you’re saying. For me, it’s my forehead wrinkles and wanting botox - I don’t like the muscles and wrinkles on my forehead, I get the urge to get Botox again, then feel guilty for wanting botox. Then go back and forth in my head about it - justifying it (I’ve given up most skincare and makeup, I deserve to keep some of my beauty routines) and then not wanting to go through with it and feed into our appearance obsessed culture. Like you said, you can know exactly why you’re doing something, exactly why it’s problematic and disempowering - that doesn’t undo years of societal conditioning and brainwashing!
This was really good. We can recognize things that society and people do as fatphobic and it's really hard to unlearn that. I am vain too I want to wear better clothes and look a certain way. I think body positivity is too much for me like I just want to not hate my body and body neutrality sits easier with me. Thank you for this read!
I’ve lost 140 lbs because my HMO won’t fix my arthritic knees unless I weigh less. I’m tired of limiting my activities because I can’t stand or walk for long. And I am sure as hell enjoying sitting in a restaurant booth and not needing a seatbelt extender on a plane. It’s going to be interesting to see how this plays out in the long run but I love the concept that it’s nobody’s business but mine.
I love how you've approached this sensitive topic with nuance and thought. Nowadays - be it because of social media algorithms - we're bombarded by content we either 100% agree with or 100% disagree with, but your reflection was so beautifully nuanced and real, and you analysed the two seemingly contrasting fields of body image so well.
This year has been pretty tough on my mental health, from studying for my Master's degree to losing a loved one, and the ensuing stress made me gain around 20 lbs. I'm still small, so I haven't directly experienced society's fatphobia, but I can't help but feel like a failure when my jeans from my last year don't fit me anymore. And, most days, I'm stuck in this conundrum of 'Should I lose weight and go back to 'normal' or do I accept my new body, even though I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I want my favourite jeans to fit me again?' It's hard! But seeing you approach the topic of body image with forgiveness and maturity was so insightful. And healing.
It really struck a chord with me when you said that " Changing your diet (how you eat 80% of the time) forever isn’t the same thing as dieting. Some say “lifestyle change” is a new diet company euphemism. That doesn’t make actual lifestyle change less legitimate."
Making small sustainable changes over time to your diet is probably the best way to enact healthy metabolic change. - like eating the right kinds of plants more regularly. https://mattcook.substack.com/p/these-are-the-carbs-men-should-be
Because metabolic health is far more important than being thin. Overweight people can be healthy and sometimes thin people can be sick. So being thin doesn't necessarily translate to healthy.