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Have I mentioned I’m writing a book? Yes? Well, time to mention that again and give you a sneak peek into something you’ll read within.
Here’s a bit more about the point of the book1, which you need to know first:
In a book that’s part personal story, part practical guidance, I write about how getting into exercise (specifically strength training) pulled me out of an eating disorder and made me a better person. Not better as in, “better than other people” or “relentlessly self-optimized,” but better as in, I became consistently more positive and generous toward myself and other people, too. A sane, safe, sustainable exercise routine helped me figure out my values around movement and my body, which became the values I brought to the rest of my life: things like patience, curiosity, resilience, and compassion. This book is a guide to using exercise to feel better not just about your body, but your character.
So, there’s a chapter about how exercise made me more compassionate toward myself and others, especially once I started working in gyms with lots of different people. Where I’ve ended up directing a lot of compassion, though, is toward my mother. With years of distance from the time when I was a young woman struggling with a binge eating disorder and associated problems, I can see how my mom tried so, so hard to help me with the tools available to her at the time, even if she’d probably do things differently now.
I can also see how she struggled with her own long history of body-related bullshit that was passed down from her mother and imprinted on her by the wider culture, and I can see how she made immense progress in breaking some of those cycles, perhaps more than she realizes.
I told her all of this when I interviewed her for the book. We had a bracing, honest, Millennial-to-Boomer conversation about bodies, weight, mother-daughter dynamics, how our generations differ regarding body acceptance, and more. Can’t wait for you to read the whole thing.
The sneak peek: In one part of our conversation, my mom (whose name is Cammy) talks about how she’s felt down in the dumps about her body lately because she doesn’t feel she can fit in as much exercise as she used to. Cammy used to pal around with women bodybuilders and go to Gold’s Gym every day, and Rollerblade (lol) around the neighborhood, and go for walks, and swim in the pool — the lady loved being active and it was easy for her. Now, though, she’s older and has many more challenging things on her plate.
My dad has Alzheimer’s and still lives with her, and she is his primary caregiver. She is still working full-time as a realtor, which requires ever-changing hours. She is entirely responsible for handling everything in her home — meals, cleaning, maintenance. I mean, really:
In some ways it’s like Cammy is a single working parent with full custody, except she became that at age 60, when my dad was diagnosed five years ago, and there aren’t any delightful growth milestones. She’s an exceptionally energetic person but her energy has of course taken a nosedive since her Rollerblading days, and during our conversation she said this:
“I just sit there and think, when am I supposed to do this? When am I supposed to exercise anymore?”
Sound familiar? I bet it does to some of you, and I bet some of the things we talked about will ease your stress about it and help you out.